Archives for the month of: December, 2013

In addition to this whole…metamorphosis, I’m still in school!

Yesterday, when I should have been working hard on my group assignment, I was playing my ukulele and singing.

So, sometimes maybe things we love get in the way of what we should be doing?

On the up-side, it appears that I wasn’t the only who got side-tracked by other things, when I finally got on-line I was the first one to make contact and received back other replies noting how people have been out of contact.

After very concentrated time and effort, we are almost there.

Very happy with the effort that everyone, myself included, put in.

There are some details still to be taken care of, but we are so close.

In other news, went out the other night and saw Evil Dead: The Musical on Friday night.

Third time seeing it and first time in the “splatter zone”!

A good time was had by all.

And yes, we were quite “splattered”!


I’m not sure if it is possible to perform open heart surgery on yourself.

Or if it is possible to recalibrate your brain chemistry.

Or if it is possible to heal old wounds.

I don’t really know about the impact time has on these things. I don’t know how much of it is bounded by the constructs of our humanity or how free-will plays into it all.

I know that many, many years ago, when I broke with my ex, I thought I would never write again.

Then I started this blog.

I thought I would never play music again.

Or sing again.

And certainly not in front of other people.

Seven weeks ago my brother walked in to the house, handed me a ukulele and said “Learn to play this. I help host a Ukulele jam every second Monday over at The Stone Cottage. The next one is four days. Learn some chords and see you there.”


I don’t know how things work in your life, but in mine when my older brother tells me do something, I’m rather inclined to do it. He is a big influence on me, I have a great deal of respect and love for him. He has never steered me wrong. And, from conversations with friends who have less than stellar siblings, I am very, very lucky to have him in my life.

I started.

It was horrible.

My fingers hurt. I couldn’t get the fingering right. I couldn’t strum probably and when I showed up at the jam on Monday evening – I was completely lost.


I loved it.

I don’t know what it was or why it was, but I loved it.

I kept trying.

I went out and bought a tuner. And I practiced every night. I found songs I wanted to play, that were way too complicated, but I tried them anyway.

I tried singing

My voice is…rusty and not used to singing any more. I must have hurt my throat a few time struggling for notes.

The last time my brother was over, he asked me “So, I think you should do something for the Open Mike part of the jam. You should be the first.”

I laughed because at that point I knew 3 chords and I could play one consistently. (The one I could play is open strings – C6!) But I heard myself say “Sure. I’ll find something.”

So I listened and looked.

And I found something to play.

I needed to learn and do 5 chords consistently.

I needed to be able to carry a tune, without losing my way.

I needed to learn the words/lyrics.

I started.

I played every night.

I took a cheap ukulele to work so I could practice my chords on the fret board without making noise during lunch hour.

I sang my heart out.

It isn’t perfect, but sometimes you just have to say “Enough. I’m ready, even if the song isn’t.”


Last night I did it.

I got up in front of my peers, the ones who came out to the Monday Night Ukulele jam and I performed my song.



And I know it wasn’t great. After seven weeks, I’m not great, I’m still learning, but, the audience was forgiving and friendly.

And I did something that I was scared to do.

I did something that I didn’t think I would ever do again. Well, I did a few things I thought I would never do again.

And you know, the best part was looking in my brother’s eyes and seeing pride there. It was a great feeling.

It is a remarkable thing to track and observe one’s own changes.

Now that I’m learning to play music again, I’m more relaxed, my heartbeat is slower, I’m smiling more, my walk is looser and slower. My breathes are deeper, my brain is faster and can’t stop hearing music and wants to problem-solve and try, try, try.

And my heart.


My heart feels.


It is like. Is it possible for a heart to learn how to beat again? To learn how to fly again?

And what is so funny, so strange about this.  I thought my heart was just fine.

I thought I was happy.

I mean, I’m pretty happy. I smile a lot. I joke, I go out, I have friends, I have things I love to do.

But this.

Having music back. Raising my voice in song.


It is something completely.


And I love it.

“Blue is the Warmest Colour” is directed by Adbellatif Kechiche, scenario, adaptation and dialogue by Adbellatif Kechiche and Ghalia Lacroix, adapted from the graphic novel “Le Bleu est une couleur chaude” by Julie Maroh.

So, I should clarify – in Canada, we don’t have the film rating “NC17”, this is an US rating. We have “R” and that is it.

In US, this film, received an “NC17” rating. For graphic sex scenes. In Canada, it is “R”.

Yes, the sex scenes are graphic. One review I read said that out of a 3-hour movie, the sex takes about half an hour, all told.

I’m not sure that is true.

I thought this movie was a beautiful, sensitive and realistic exploration of 2 people and the evolution and dissolution of their relationship.

And, I think, for most people, falling in love, being in a relationship, involves sex. Reading reviews about this film makes me think of something that playwright Brad Fraser once said, which was along the lines of in his world sex happens and it is important to see the sex to understand the relationship.

This film shows the sex, but it shows everything else too – the intellectual explorations, the slow falling in love, meeting each others families…so I wasn’t bothered by the sex, in fact, I found it reasonable.

In the spirit of non-North American films, this film has long periods of  quiet, where it feels like nothing much happens, and much of the action happens off-scene. You know I like that, but I understand how others would think the pace was slow or not much was happening.

I loved the way the relationship allowed the two women to unfold, mature and realize themselves. The breakdown of their relationship was heartbreaking and sorrowful, without being sentimental or soppy. The ending was quiet and sad and beautiful.

What I enjoyed most about the film was that although this is the story of a relationship between 2 women, it didn’t necessarily put sexual orientation at the centre of the film, this wasn’t a film about questioning one’s orientation or coming out or struggling with one’s orientation – this was a film about a relationship. That said, the scene where the younger woman’s parents meet her lover, they do lie about their relationship, I assume because the age difference seems so great between them at that point in time and not that is a decision to remain in the closet.

It was sad and beautiful.

Great film.



“Thor: The Dark World” is directed by Alan Taylor and James Gunn, screenplay by Christopher Yost, Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, story by Don Payne and Robert Robat based on the comic book by Stan Lee, Larry Lieber and Jack Kirby.

I actually saw this movie opening week-end but…well, I got busy.


Yeah. Fun movie.

Not a great plot. No great acting. Some pretty ok fight scenes.  A couple of funny lines.

The best part of this movie, as is becoming part for the course for Marvel films, was the tag ending.

And even isn’t wasn’t that great.

Ummm, I hope you aren’t one of those people who leaves before the tag ending?

The last 2 Marvel film I’ve been at, most people left as soon as the credits rolled. At least this time I was with someone who knows I watch the credits and who knows Marvel tag endings. The other time the person I was with wanted to leave and I waked incredibly slowly to the bottom of the stairs.

You know, I think the worst things about this film was that the bad guy is one of my fav actors, Christopher Eccleston, but the make-up is so heavy, you can’t recognize him! I didn’t even know it was him until I read the credits!

So, yeah, some brainless entertainment. The only reason to see this film is for the plot points for the next Avengers film. And I’m not even sure what they were.

Sorry, Marvel, you are slipping.