Archives for the month of: October, 2013

I’m keeping secrets again.

I’m not embarrassed by this secret, only, this time, the secret would hurt. They, if known, would cause damage to relationships and reputations.

But.

Keeping this secret has made me into a liar.

I’m dissembling to some of my favourite people, telling stories to distract and point them in directions other than the correct one. I’m making up things to serve to explain away reasons, motivations and actions.

And I hate that feeling.

Knowing that I’m dishonest.

It feels heavy in my tummy and causes me to dwell on the state of my character.

As someone interested with the truth. The Truth. Lying isn’t something that I’m comfortable with.

And I know. I know, that keeping secrets is sometimes, often, a part of my job – but that is a trust. I’m required to be discrete and keep things confidential. And I agree to this.

My personal life is different. I like to share my life with people I love, I feel like it brings me closer and strengthens connections between people – creates…intimacy.

So.

If I can’t share this secret with people who I love – it is worth keeping?

If I can keep this secret, if this secret makes me into a liar – is it a secret worth keeping?

I don’t mean…look, every action has consequences, so I’m not going to just simply tell the secret. I’m trying to be respectful of the person who asked me to keep these secrets, but I’m also trying to be respectful of myself and what I can live with.

I don’t want to be a liar.

I want to be able to be honest with the people I can about in my life.

I will keep this secret.

But.

After this, I’m not interested in keeping secrets any more.

Ditto for telling lies.

I guess every  so often all the stuff we’ve been going through in our lives catch up with us and we need a break.

I know I sometimes need a break from my life.

So, I’m on vacation.

Decided to keep the proven and traveled back to Alberta to spend some time with one of my dearest friends. It is funny how for some people it is a place that re-charges them, but for me, it is all about the people.

Took an afternoon flight to Calgary from Toronto, my friends met me there and we drove back to Lethbridge.

The week will be filled with conversation, tasty, healthy food, drinking plenty of tea and water, reading and relaxing from the last few months.

Looking forward to a great vacation!

 

“Gravity” is written by Alfonso Cuaron, Jonas Cuaron with collaboration by George Clooney and is directed by Alfonso Cuaron.

Disclaimer: I love Alfonso Cuaron.

Disclaimer: I hate Sandra Bullock.

This film presented a problem for me – I love the director but, Sandra Bullock is the film.

So, I had a lot of back and forth with myself about whether to see it or give it a pass, see it in the theatre or with someone.

In the end, I saw it by myself, a matinée showing and saw it in 3D with IMAX sound.

So the film.

WOW.

Cuaron does it again!

This film was sad, beautiful and scary. Gripping and tense, the story had twists and turns and surprises.

It was utterly unpredictable and utterly beautiful.

And yes, Sandra Bullock was great. She was tenacious and tough, flawed and sympathetic. Surprisingly, I cared deeply about whether she lived. I feared for her survival and was rooting for her every moment.

There are some incredibly beautiful moments in this film – achingly beautiful – and my poor words can scarcely articulate.

This film is not to be missed.

 

“Filthy Gorgeous: The Bob Guccione Story” is directed by Barry Avrich.

Who was Bob Guccione and why would someone make a movie about him?

Seriously, this is the first question to be answered before I get right into talking about this film, ‘cuz if you don’t know, none of what I have to say will follow.

Simply, Bob Guccione was this guy, who, seeing the popularity of Playboy magazine, decided to go out and create his own rival mag that show pics of naked women. He founded Penthouse.

No, he wasn’t the guy in the wheelchair. That was Larry Flynt. And he founded Hustler.

Guccione’s execution was a little different from Playboy – he was a trained artist and most of the pics he took himself and he paid attention to lighting and composition and the mag, in the early days, was regarded as have more artistic photos than Playboy.

This movie was fascinating.

But, mostly by how utterly uninteresting this guy was. He liked to cook and stay at home, his idea of a good evening would be to have a bunch of people, including his family, writers, intellectuals, models and cook for them and serve them a meal and some wine and have some conversation. He wasn’t wild, he wasn’t crazy. He was smart and was also a family man.

Who made a life selling naked pictures of women.

It was intriguing business model too, most of his employees in the office as well as models, were women, although he was in charge, the “money” part of the business was run by a woman, his partner, and he relied heavily on his female assistant and colleagues. Penthouse was a place for a woman to work, with her clothes on or off, apparently.

It was a great film, it was unflinching and unflattering in the portrayal of its subject. Archival interviews, interviews, news reel, and stills were used to great effect.

I particularly enjoyed how the film discussed the impact that internet porn had on his business – I don’t know about anyone else, but I often forget that at one point in my life, reading the news in newspaper used to be a pleasure.

The film nicely charts the spark of the idea, to the success of the business to the growing of an empire to the decline of the empire and then of his health.

I particularly liked how there was such a great emphasis on the influence and inspiration his partner brought to his life – theirs was an unconventional love story, but still a love story and it was very touching to hear that after her death, he went on and re-married but was never quite the same again.

Very enjoyable film and if you get the chance to see it, highly suggest that you do.

So.

Look.

When telling people about seeing this film, many people asked why I would bother – it is about porn! And surely, as a woman who claims to be a feminist I would stay away from this film, never mind enjoy it.

I’m a strong believer in understanding things that maybe I shouldn’t have any interest it. I think today, here and now, in culture, porn has a significant impact on our day-to-day lives – in advertising, media and the relationships we have with each other.

I’m not saying this is a good thing. I’m not saying it is a bad thing.

I’m saying that this is my understanding of the world and culture in which I live. Here and now people consume porn and often filter their lives through porn-coloured glasses.

So, I think it is important to understand how we got here and part of that is understanding the people who started making pics of naked women readily and easily available – they opened the doors to t-shirts that women wear that say “Porn Star!” and they changed the way men see and think about women’s bodies.

I’m not going to thank people like Bob Guccione, but I think it is important to understand the man who helped shape our culture. One of the things that really struck me in this movie was the he loved women, he thought that women were beautiful and he loved women in his life, he was friends with women, loved them and liked them – they were subjects and objects, lovers, friends, colleagues and partners – his life was filled with women. And I’m not sure that this can be said for people who are producing porn now.