Archives for the month of: July, 2013

It is strange how parts of us fall to “sleep”.

How the brain forgets, how the body doesn’t remember. How we block or let go of certain memories or simply deny their existence as a part of who we are.

There are parts of me that I figured had their time and could be set aside so I could get on with my life. How strange to be proven wrong.

Parts of me are waking up. They are making demands and they are asserting their importance. And I feel it is all a little out of context, like I could have used a slower way to wake up, a gentler way to find my way back to these forgotten pieces of me.

And I know, I know, that I have this tendency to cut myself into manageable bites, easily self-digestible and neat. And it has me feeling messy, this being relocated, firmly in the body. Messy. And confusing.

And it isn’t just me, I fear I’m making a mess of someone else too.

I mean.

There is just so much I don’t understand.

 

I’m not exactly sure where “online dating” becomes simply “dating”, but I think I’m there.

I mean after 3 more dates – one for a walk without the dogs, one for dinner and movie and one for a walk with both dogs – I think it can be said to be “dating” and not “online dating”.

I’m not exactly sure.

But I think I’m there.

Funny how it happens, how exactly how these things unravel and put us somewhere we doubted we would ever be again.

Every time we say good-bye or good-night he asks when can he see me again. I don’t always have an answer and we get derailed by our various schedules, lives and commitments to others – I’m supposed to be studying now for an exam in a few days, when I’m done my exam, he has family arriving and before you know it summer will be over.

We are very different people who have things in common and like each others company, when we can find the time to see each other I mean.

On the dinner and movie date he took a picture of us in front of the restaurant and I showed it to some of my friends at work today. And they see what I see when I look at him – a charming smile, a cute person and…me? In the picture I look happy.

I don’t know where we are going or how we will get there, but it seems for the next part of my adventure, I have company.

The Second Date (with dog)

What happened was this: I said farewell to my friends Sunday morning (you know who you are), did some school work and started getting ready to leave to see my friends Sunday afternoon (you also know who you are).

Then, right there, in my inbox is message from a guy I went on a dog walking date back in September. He asked if I remembered him – I do, I have an excellent memory and those doggies were so much fun! – and he wanted to know how I am – too busy to get into! – and he was thinking about me. Ok.

You know.

I’m probably still a menace to dating, but I said he wanted to get together and catch up that I would be open to meeting him. He want to see me again so we went back and forth a bit about when and what – maybe Monday, probably walk and talk.

While visiting friends I stayed off email and just…appreciated the company and the break from the computer and devices. I love not being connected to things and love being connected to friends. Food, bubbles, conversation – an incredible evening! I didn’t think about school work or work or relationships or hearing from someone I once went out a dog walking date with…I unplugged and relaxed.

In the morning…early afternoon…after waking up, taking a pain killer, showering, drinking loads of water, having a muffin, going for an epic walk where we found tea, tasty brunch as a place that had the worst service ever, driving home…I checked my email only discover this guy probably wouldn’t be joining me for a walk.

Ok.

There is plenty of school work to do.

So I started and kept monitoring my email so communications from my school group.

Then this email comes in – reads, plans have changed, would love to see you, are you available for a couple of hours?

Ok.

A break from school work is sometimes needed and always welcome.

So he and one of the dogs drives out…I don’t think the dog drove, but she was in the car…and we all go for a walk. Back to the beach.

Super busy at the beach, people with families, bbqs, pets, splashing around in the lake, playing in the sand – people are everywhere having an excellent time.

Walk out and settle in on the breakwater and talk.

I shared the “dating” that I recently did.

He shares dating a woman for three and half months and why they split up.

We enjoy each others’ company and we both do a good job remembering our first conversation.

I say “I’ve got to get going, back to school work.” exactly two hours after we met.

We walk back to his car in my driveway and he tries to kiss me.

I let him.

Five times.

I pull away and he says “Take off your sunglasses and let me see your beautiful eyes.”

I do.

But.

Isn’t that a line from a cheesy movie or awful romance novel?

I let him kiss me once more and then I say I have to go do school work.

He asks when he can see me again.

I suggest Sunday morning, before a friend’s wedding. Maybe Saturday dinner.

He agrees that we can arrange something.

As I get to the front door, he yells out “Crazy idea! Come to Ottawa with me!” I say “I can’t.” because I’m climbing on Saturday. When a person has rocks on the brain, it is climbing first, everything else second.

He said he had to ask.

So.

I don’t know what this means. Or what I’m supposed to do. I feel like…there aren’t rules or anyone who can tell me how to behave or what to do. I’m confused, but figure I will just see where, if anywhere, it will go.

Maybe.

 

Recently, I had a birthday.

I’m lucky enough to have one every year, so I don’t put a lot celebratory energy into my birthdays.

Just the opposite. I like to make plans and spend it with someone who doesn’t know it is my birthday and just enjoy my day as if it is any of day of my life, spent with a friend.

This isn’t about not wanting to get older – I love getting older. I love that my face is different from how it looked ten or twenty years ago, I love seeing my hair go grey and I’m fascinated by all the changes age brings. I’m not in denial.

What it is really about, is believing that every day of my life is gift, best spent with friends and celebrating nothing so important as living in the moment and being around people I love.

I don’t need presents and stuff, I don’t need birthday wishes – what I want is time and shared conversation. I want to connect with the people I love and who love me, I want to get to know new people and invite them into my life.

So I went out with four friends who didn’t know it was my birthday.

What a great night!

We met up after work – I wasn’t working, so I came in to meet everyone and we talked and joked and laughed and drank and ate.

It was great!!

And then.

Suddenly.

I was caught out!

My friends looked at me in horror and said “OH NO! We should be celebrating your birthday!” I told them as far as I was concerned we were celebrating. They said “BUT WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU PRESENTS!!” I said I was good.

Then it started.

One of my friends quickly arranged with the bar to get me a crazy drink – it was served in a martini glass covered in whipped cream with a shot glass right in the middle.

Then my friends, all women, decided to find presents by going through their purses.

I ended up with: one container (unused) of shower gel, one container (also unused) of body lotion, a gift card for Bulk Barn, 2 Chai Tea tea bags, 1 coffee gift card, 1 hand sanitizer, 3 hard candies, 2 free movies passes and one plastic bag that I could carry everything in!

Amazing!

I could not have imagined a better way to spend my birthday.