Oddly sensitive around the edges.
Computer problems abound – could not fix the error message at all. Two unplanned hours installing updates that kept freezing the system, re-starting only to cause the same error message.
Frustration seeps into my eyes and shoulders. Concentration pulling my lips and forehead down. This problem is solving.
Implied accusation again – of being shallow, one-dimensional enough that happiness, cheerfulness is the only functional emotion that I display. Sometimes problems need focus, silences, concentration.
I want to deny this role “It is not for me to always be upbeat and cheerful, I hurt and bled the same as you. You be upbeat for a change. You be bubbles for a change. Let me concentrate and solve this problem. Let me work, I can solve this, give me quiet, stay away from my door…”
Radio show last about suicide, got swept up in the stories of the notes left – filled with sorrysorrysorrys and explanations that the ones left would be free from responsibility.
Learned about the “Suicide Brain Bank”, the oldest brain bank in the country, where the keep the brains of suicides. Half the brain in formaldehyde, the other half-frozen, to be sliced up into infinite slices for “use”.
Me – sad, achingly sad, awake half the night, tossing, turning, thinking of bisected brains, split cerebellums and hacked corpus callosums.
It hurts my heart to know.
Title of the episode: To be or not to be.
Babblesbybex's Blog 
::hugs:: You need a vacation. I need you.
do i ever…road trip on thursday!