Thursday, May 31, 2012: Icing on the cake of a bad week

Look, some days are just…like that.

And some weeks are…like that too.

I try my best to not take it personally and remind myself that, yes, we all have bad moments and we all have to have bad moments if only so one person doesn’t get all the bad moments, right?

I’m happy to get my share.

Just sometimes…I’m not that great at it.

So, yeah.

Bad Week.

One of those weeks where that thing you’ve put off a bit too long and suddenly needs to be done doesn’t go exactly as planned. In fact, it goes horribly, horribly wrong. And it costs you money that you hadn’t budgeted for and really why did you feel so bad about that little piece of paper that said “FAIL” on it, when you were about to see a little piece of paper that said $$$$ on it?

One of those weeks where someone suddenly decides to call you a new nickname, which sounds strangely like a pet name your ex used to call you and then proceeds to call you that even after you requested they not. And explained your reason, and they want to know the pet name.

One of those weeks where someone else suddenly has a jealous rage and says “I don’t like you talking to anyone else.”, pouts and clenches his fists. And takes a moment to calm down and accept that, yes, the person you just spoke to is actually a very important colleague.

One of those weeks where your very worst character flaw about grammar asserts itself causing the someone to get angry and not speak to you for the rest of the day.

One of those weeks where you trade one sentence emails with your ex and when, on the fourth day one doesn’t arrive you are totally crushed.

Yeah, that kind of week.

So.

Upside:

It was also one of those weeks where one of my dear, dear friends called me up to see if I wanted a drink and me, at work late, decided to try to call back on the off change she was still there and – she was! So we went out for drinks and something to eat and she was at work late too! So we did!

Another upside:

We had our staff BBQ and I’m on the committee that does these things and everyone had a really, really good time.

Also an upside:

I was very productive.

This, too, is an upside:

I totally wow-ed my trivia pal with the answer to a question about the first line of a story – he even prefaced the question by saying “You will never get this. I’m just going to skip it.” I convinced him to ask and he did. I got it write away and told him the author as well. I’ve never seen someone so amazed by something I said.

And another upside:

I’m going out for dinner and a pedicure with a dear friend after work tomorrow. And visit in the morning.

So, yeah, even during a Bad Week, it is possible to find some upsides.

Thursday, April 5, 2012: Bad Timing

Ack!

This never happens!

At work I am fortunate to mostly in charge of my time – my team members are mostly on the road and my director is usually at meetings or on the road herself. And it isn’t like I’m goofing off or anything, I create projects that help my team and when they need me, I’m ready to give immediate and accurate assistance – I keep and give information and help on a dime.

So, there I am working on a database that I’m doing for our resources/education materials and one of my dearest friends calls. And she has stuff she needs to say. She gets going and…

One of my colleagues comes to my desk for a visit and…I’m all on the phone.

And then my director comes out of the office with some things that she has approved and need to be taken to the step.

And you know what?

I have to take them.

Right now.

I explain quickly and, I hope, politely to both my friend on the phone and the colleague who is there for a visit and run downstairs to take these forms to the appropriate people – I am against a deadline! If I miss it then two of my team members will be out-of-pocket!

Yikes!

Bad Timing.

Near the end of the day and I’m packing up – I have plans to meet for drinks with some of my favourite people. I’m almost all packed and my director has a question.

And it isn’t like it is hard question, but her question leads to like five more, so I am about to come up with a solution that will work for her and she suddenly says that it is time for me to go home.

But you know what? I’m not just going to leave her in the middle of something she needs to get out. No way.

I go back to my desk and my phone rings.

I am of the school that when the phone rings and you are there, you answer the phone, even if it is after office hours.

The person on the phone isn’t calling for me.

She is quite convinced that she is calling for me, but she isn’t. She really, really isn’t. I offer to help her and all she wants to do is 1) explain to me why she is calling 2) ask me why I’m still in the office 3) explain why I should be able to help her.

I try to be polite and give her answers: 1) I know why she is calling 2) I know we have office hours and not that it any of her business, I’m helping my director with something 3) I understand why she is calling my number, but truly, I can’t help her, I can, however, transfer her to the correct person who can

I help her.

Transfer the call, do one more thing for my director and then I’m out of there.

I meet my friends half an hour late.

I’m never late!

Bad Timing.

On the upside, the Malbec I had was extremely drinkable and those chicken tacos were very tasty. And, of course, the company was amazing.

Not a bad Thursday, a Bad Timing Thursday to be sure, but not a bad Thursday.

Early morning arrival

I got a speeding ticket!

It is my first, so although I’m not sure how to feel about that, I am deeply, deeply mortified by it.

When I finally arrived at my friend’s place last night (hi! do you still read my posts – look i’m writing about you – again!) I told her and she laughed and said “Of all people – you?!”

‘cuz she knows I don’t speed. Usually.

I admit, it was late, it was dark and I had just figured out the proper gear for the car and thought I was on the highway. I wasn’t on the highway. I mean, I was, just in the slow section of the highway.

Go figure.

For the record, I got lost 3 times getting here – all right towards the end and all times I realized it right away, turned around and went back. There is an up-side to arriving places super late – not a lot of traffic, so when I need to quickly turn and go back, I can!

See, there really is an up-side to everything…if you just know how to shift your perspective.

There is something incredibly comforting about being in the home of a dear friend who knows you well, isn`t thereÉ

Last night when I arrived, my friend put on all the lights in her place, like a beacon, so I wouldn`t miss it and drive by.  I did miss it and drive by, but that is very much beside the point. She offered to bet her boyfriend that I would get lost getting here and he declines saying it sounded like too much a sure thing…She showed me the essentials before getting back to bed – here is water, here is bread, toaster, glasses etc. Here is the bathroom, that is a shower etc. And gave me the run-down on the doggie.

I woke up this morning, yes I slept in, everyone was gone to work and on the counter – she left out tea and a book called “I am Scrooge – A Zombie Story for Christmas“. See – tea and zombies, I`m totally at home and comforted.

If only I can straighten out where to return this rental car – wish me luck!

 

 

Best laid plans

Climbing Saturday am go cancelled, but no worries, I was feeling a bit under the weather – seems like a cold is blowing in.

Almost cancelled my plans to go to a Halloween party, but I’ve been looking forward to it all month.

Happy that I went, too. After getting very, very lost, I somehow managed to find my way to my friend’s place. Something about googlemaps omitting a turn always gets me to exactly the wrong place when going to her place.

The place was done up all creepy-like, but not creepy enough to give me nightmares, and everyone put forth a good effort on the costumes. I even managed to overcome my fears and spend a while chatting to some friends who both dressed as clowns. Eep!

Didn’t drink and drove home that night, which wasn’t the original plan, but that is what I feeling like. Happy too, Sunday am I was feeling worse. So put on my comfy pjs and slippers and drank tea all day long.

Also watched the first episode of “Allen Gregory” which is one of the worst animated shows I’ve ever seen – never mind that it has two of my current fav actors doing voices in it – Jonah Hill and French Stuart – and French Stuart being one of the funniest actors around, this show was not funny. At all. It wasn’t even clever. Or offensive. It was kind of bland and boring and the main characters aren’t the least bit likeable.  I won’t be wasting any more of time with this one.

Monday and I’m at work, forgoing wearing a costume ‘cuz I’m feeling worse. Got a couple of things done, but as proof that I’m not doing to well – it took me about two hours to figure out the formula to turn change the fill colour in certain cells – I knew it was conditional formatting, the exact phrasing of the formula kept eluding me. Eventually I got there, with the help of a couple of tech blogs. So, thanks kind strangers!

Still, two hours to figure out a formula for conditional formatting, really that is just sad.

Early to bed and missing all the trick-or-treaters, luckily dad was on door duty this year.

Up this am and still fighting this cold – I think it may be winning, but there are things that want doing at work and I am just the person for the gogogo.

So much for getting back to the gym this week…

More mortifying situations

Huh.

Having one those times where I’m not sure exactly what and where to begin this one.

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that when I got to work I would be completely mortified by my boss. Umm, twice.

You ever read a book where half the pages, say, the even-numbered pages, are like…missing?

Well, you know exactly how I feel at my new…can I still call it “new” job.

That is right, every situation that I run into to, every new task or new thing on the “To-Do” list yields more information and often, the information I’m missing, is the most important information.

Today I took a message for one of my colleagues, returned the message exactly as requested only to be told that the agreement to which the person was referring was already agreed too and that not following through with it would…well, let’s be honest, it would put us in the position of being in breach of contract.

Soooo.

What to do, what to do?

And then I find out that those two things that I was asking for, that we originally ordered, where actually canceled, so I have to start at the beginning with this order. Again, really, someone should have told me the whole story before asking me to follow-up on something that doesn’t exist any more.

Then, well, Tuesday is kind of like my Monday, so you know it doesn’t end there.

Yep, next thing I know, I’m being asked to wash someone’s hair.

And you know. I don’t wash other people’s hair. ‘cuz if you know, involves…how to say? Touching them.

And that is all kinds of not right in my books.

So, yeah, I spent the rest of the day being laughed at, by my boss and all my other colleagues who thought it was probably the funniest things they have ever seen. My boss kept saying “Your face was so red! Did I embarrass you?”

Well, yes, yes, you did.

And you know what.

I was totally embarrassed.

My face was red.

And I’m sure I had a look of complete look of confusion on my face…

And nope, I didn’t actually shampoo the client’s hair, but I did rinse out the dye.

‘cuz, you know, I don’t actually know how to shampoo someone’s hair.

But the threat is that I will be trained.

And I want to be clear on this point, this point right here. When I was told by my boss that she would train me to shampoo someone’s hair, I said that I would teach everyone else to use Word and Excel.

So, take that.

On the upside, my boss received a text from a client of hers saying how cheery and professional I was, so that is something, right?

Not sure what “something” is, but today I’ll take it.

The work of grief

The plan was to get up and go and attend an airshow party.

Troubled sleep made the day grumpy and introspective.

Again.

“What if” thoughts swirled around most of the night and some time today was spent trying to organize my old emails into some sense – if I can archive it, if I can file and save these old messages, if I can sort them and read them, perhaps I can find my own piece of mind with all this.

I want to find my own piece of mind with this.

I am not a perfect being, a perfected human, I am messy, flawed, but, ok, I accept these flaws, this little imperfections in me, in my heart. I’m learning. What hurts, what kills me the most is this believe that somehow, someone, me, that I could only love a perfect thing, that only a very particular someone, a person should be, what, worthy? of love.

I don’t know how to make sense of all this.

Perhaps this is the cruelest of all, that maybe, maybe, maybe there is no sense to be found, no reason. That between lines of written words, they is actually only space without meaning.

Maybe I’m going to wake up and everything will look different in the morning light. Probably.

Day of rest

Fingers.

Toes.

Inner thighs.

Out thighs.

This is a bad job – quicker to tell you what doesn’t hurt this morning: face, ears, roots of my hair, tip of my nose. Yeah, those parts of me feel great, ready to take on the day.

Up after a full 8 hours, early for a Sunday, this moment, breakfast, this moment, shower, this moment, get everything ready for the gym, this moment, this moment, I am just going to curl up in the middle of my bed and go back to sleep, rest the weary body. Rest.

Temptation.

Not giving in, not giving up.

1hour on the treadmill – increase speed and incline and the gym seems like the place to be this morning, everyone working hard. Sweat is soaking into my workout clothes and man, it is hot in here. Yikes.

Normal yoga teacher is away today, so today, it is the other yoga teacher – the chatty one, the one who talks more than moves, I don’t move as much when he teaches, but, can’t argue, I do like his attention to form. We work the downward dog.

Slowly my poses are getting better.

My shoulders open and body presses back, the weight is on my feet, my hands are for balance.

Crescent, my hips go down, hips separate a little more and I keep them squared.

We work pigeon, my hips are more square then they were months ago, back stretches out, leg goes back further.

At the end, still in pain. There are still all these pockets of acid in the body, things aren’t flowing as well as they usually do. Haven’t moved enough. Rolling up the mat, the body feel stiff and sore and I could use another hour of yoga.

I need more…flow. Flux. The body has too many stops and starts today.

I like this instructor for his detail, for his technical, but I need more flow.

I guess we all have our definition of “rest”.

This weather is so not May

Today is not happening.

I’m not getting out of bed today – it is rainy, it is cold, the roots of my hair, my toes, my fingertips, teeth, ears and lips are the only things that don’t hurt. I feel grumpy and tired and sore.

I’m going to snuggle down in this warm bed and stay here all day.

I’m up.

Up, and out of bed and into the the world.

Hey! First amazing thing happens to me, five minutes after getting out of bed – dad is up super early and made chocolate! Yummy! I have a cup with my piece of toast with cream cheese and smoke salmon.

Yes, I know cream cheese is completely disgusting. I still eat it. Gross, right? But easy protien.

I weigh taking the day off from the gym and going to the gym and -

I don’t know.

I rush through getting ready, just in case.

Time to get dress and I -

Reach for my gym clothes – looks like I’m off to the gym!

45min on the elliptical trainer and then time for yoga class.

Hey! Second amazing thing thing happens to me! My fav yoga instructor is teaching today’s class – she doesn’t usually, so how cool is this?

Great class – isn’t too stressful and works a couple of areas that need some work, gets out the pain, moves the liquid around, feels good.

Brief sit-down in the sauna – have no idea if this is good for a body or not, but I like it – and then another shower and now, time to go.

On the way out I run into my fav sales guy. I guess if you frequent the place where someone works everyday you are bound to see each other, makes sense right?

He challenges me to that arm wrestle.

Yes, I decline.

I suggest he come for a climb or join in a on yoga class sometime.

We don’t do any of these, but he shares with me his deeper motivations for working out and taking particular care at the gym and training. Interesting, the things that make us tick, isn’t it?

I get it.

I totally get it.

I’m thankful for the sharing. I thankful for connecting with someone who wants to share these things with me, let me get to know them, great amount of trust shown to me.

You know, the best thing, he says that he was having a so-so kind of day, a bit off, a bit down and he says that seeing me, talking with me, turns his day around, it is a hi-lite, it makes him feel great and ready to take on the rest of the day.

Hey.

How so very cool is that.

It reminds me of that time a friend of mine said I was like her St. John’s Wart. And another friend agreed with her.

Something about being able to make other people feel good, feel great, help to turn their day around and make it better. I think, maybe that is my real super power – none of this controlling the weather stuff, but making people feel good.

Ok, I will count that conversation and what he said to me as the third amazing thing that happens to me today.

It is Friday and it is before noon, so you know what that means – time for a half-price movie! (Review is below – spoiler, not a great movie.)

I’m hungry and can’t make up my mind about which treat I want. I order the cheese pizza, which I really don’t want, but it is better than the huge pretzel I really, really, really want.

Fourth amazing thing – the pizza machine (wut??) isn’t working today, so I can only have a pretzel! Woo!

Fifth amazing thing – preview of the Tin-Tin movie! Eeeee! I can’t wait until December, I need to see this movie now! Nownownownow.

Ack! All these movies I’m waiting to see! How ever will I survive?!

Heavier than usual traffic on the way home – I’m later than usual – and then home.

Another cup of chocolate, I think today is my lucky day or some junk, and I’m making some plans and applying for jobs and get the latest news from one of my dear friends – she has been offered an awesome job, at an awesome company, in an awesome city. Congrats – you know who you are, you are wonderful and totally earned this. You deserve this, so enjoy!

Quiet rest of the day and you know – 5 amazing things happened to me today, things that made getting out of bed totally worth it. Amazing Friday.

 

Movie review: Limitless

I have no idea if this movie was any good or if it was the worst movie ever.

What I do know that if you plan on taking a nap, you should consider seeing another movie.

Seriously, the soundtrack – the music, dialogue and sound effects kept waking me up.

And not like in a “la-la – oh, deary me, it is time to get up, oh lovely la-la” kind of way, but in a “what the heck was that terrifically loud and annoying noise?!” kind of way.

From what I saw, I think this movie is a about some guy who thinks he is a writer but doesn’t have a blog (?!) and who doesn’t chose either the red or the blue pill, but goes off in a completely different direction and take a clear pill.

What the heck is up with that? Now there are clear pills for us to consider taking and mess with our reality in a whole new way? Who approved this? Not me, for sure.

Clear pills unlock 100% of human brain function so he writes a book, learns some languages, borrows money from the mob, get back together with his girlfriends, becomes a day trader and makes a pile of money.

Then Robert De Niro appears and is alternatively a bit scary and cuddly.

Yes, sometimes I think Robert De Niro is “cuddly”.

Yes, I should probably re-think my personal definition of “cuddly”.

Then some things happen and people get chased around a lot and then some other stuff happens, the guy kills a few people and then become a politician.

Um.

I’m sure I missed a few key plot moments ‘cuz I’m pretty confused about what happened between him killing someone with a grand piano (waste of piano, by the by) to running for political office.

During this whole thing, other people also take clear pills and they have the potential of their brains unlocked as well. You can tell whose brain is being used at 100% as they see everything in this golden colour and smile kind of stupidly at everyone.

Not sure what was up with this movie, I mean, the parts I saw of it.

It was either a comment on Timothy Leary or a suggestion that the best politicians are drug users.

And seriously, if you had the ability to use 100% of your brain, would you go into politics?

Just asking.

Well, if anyone else sees this movie, perhaps you would let me know what this movie was on about.

On the upside: I had the best seat in the theatre!

Friday and the things that happen

Awake at 3:30am and deep breathing as long as my patience held out – 5:00am.

Puttered about and ate breakfast and then puttered some more – bought some of my fav hair product, ‘cuz I’m almost out and my curls need some TLC and attention. It is so good to let the hair be curly again – it looks happier.

Today it was back at yoga – only 15min, could have done more, properly, but with the stupid waking time didn’t want to push hard.

Long, hot shower and special attention to putting the right product in the right amount in the hair. No rush, no worries.

Blow-dry hair and put some special effort in and use the diffuser.

Yes, “diffuser” does sound like some super-technical and slightly dangerous thing to be using on one’s hair.

Yes, even looking at it does kind of make me nervous.

Whatever, for hair like this, I will brave the diffuser.

You know, I’m not even sure if I’m using it properly. Whatever.

Take a gamble and try to find parking at the train station closet to my home.  There is never parking available.

I guess it is time for me to buy a lottery ticket – I find parking quickly and easily. Go me!

Train to downtown and brisk walk to meeting place.

Then wait and bit and hello!

My friend meets me and we are off to lunch. Yay lunch!

She makes a suggestion of where to go ‘cuz she knows I don’t make these sorts of decisions very well, don’t bother me with details please!, and I’m so very happy at her choice.

Yes, Swiss Chalet is pretty boring. But, you know, my taste buds are still homesick and they are trying to gather up all the tastes of home. I’m hoping for a really good curry with my bro and sis-in-law this week-end…Sometimes I wish they read this thing…

Lunch is awesome and -

My friend is  now an auntie! Wild, wild.

Of course, she is a pretty cool chick and you know she will be a very good aunt to her niece.

But, between you and me, she has a long way to go to be as cool as an aunt as I am.

Don’t worry, I will teach her what she needs to know about being a super-cool aunt.

Yes, I am generous like that.

I’m also pretty cool.

Yes, and modest.

Anyway.

After lunch, I walk her back and enjoy the crisp, cold air and just being in the sun – bright, cold day, this Friday. I love the bright, but I’m ready for a little less of the “cold”, so if someone would do something about this, I would greatly appreciate it.

I pick-up a couple of “thank-you” gifts to send off to people who begat me and took such good care of me, very happy that this is slowly coming together.

Then, movie. Hey, why not? It is good for me to get out there and see a few things. Besides I love catching matinees. (haha – WordPress doesn’t want to include the accent on the word “matinee”.) (Francophobes.)

No, I did not say “manatees”, but you know, thanks for asking.

Yes, I will write a movie review, please be patient!

After movie it is time to go home. I snooze on the train, which I never do, I think I’m pretty tired.

How do I tell if I’m jet-lagged vs just tired?

It is a mystery to me!

Then home.

Checked on some flights to the next trip, but the flights are all crazy with long layovers, airport transfers or price. Bummer. Maybe it is time to consider some different locations. Still. Bummer.

I’ll try it again in the am and see how things look in the morning light. Wish me luck!