The Rock

I am so out of climbing shape.

And I know, I know, I climb twice a week, but this past Saturday we finally got outside, on a Women’s Climbing Day and man, I am so out of climbing shape! The large muscles hurt!

Dude!

But what an awesome day – climbing with women, we formed a subculture within a subculture! How awesome is that? I don’t even know what you call that…a sub-subculture? But when it is climbing, shouldn’t you call it like…an acroculture? A sub-acroculture?

I don’t know.

What a day!

I got exactly one climb in, before freaking out and having issues with the chalk and yeah, so what, it was 3 times longer than a usual route indoors, still, pathetic.

But, I got outside. I shut up. I climbed.

So, yeah, looks like it is shaping up to be an awesome climbing summer…

The wall

So being a climber, someone who climbs, and being afraid of heights often presents some interesting problems.

There is this one wall at our climbing gym, it has 3 climbing routes on it and, like all the walls, the routes change-up on a regular, yet unpredictable basis. But this wall slants towards you, so as you climb you have this feeling of falling and, if you fall, the rope will swing you out over the mats. I hate the swing.

We had been working on this one route, a 5.10- and a couple of sessions ago, I made it the furthest I’ve ever made it up and I promised myself and my climbing partner – next time I tried that route I would get up and not be so focused on the “Oh noes, I’m gonna fall and swing!” and more focused on the “I’m getting up this route!”

We climbed tonight and…

The route changed.

No longer a 5.10-. Which totally sucks, I was going to make up, even it killed all my other attempts.

But.

But!

It is now a 5.9!

My climbing partner made it up, easy as can be, she made it look easy. She came down and said “bex, you can do it. don’t think about the slant, don’t think about falling, just go.”

I went.

I totally did it!

First time I’ve ever completed a route on the slanted wall!

I’m so happy. And proud of both my climbing partner and of me!

It is a great falling, to try and try and fail again and again. And then, one day, probably a Tuesday – you succeed.

And you realize – that wasn’t so bad after all…

Reaping the rewards of a good night’s sleep

About two and half weeks ago i was having pain issues. Now, i do need to clarify, i have a lower back injury from way, way back (haha, see what i did there?) so most days are rather painful for me. i deal ok, between yoga and climbing and watching my body positioning and weight and everything else, the pain is totally manageable.

But then the season’s started changing.

And the pressure of the change brought on this crazy pressure headache. And i don’t suffer from regular headaches so i’m a complete baby about it – i missed a couple of days of work, if you can believe and more than that, i cancelled a night of climbing!

So, what i am trying to say is, i was in a lot of pain.

The headache made me tense up in pain and which lead to some seized up muscles in my neck and shoulders. The pain in my neck lead into my head which caused a headache on top of the first headache (this is my “double headache” whoa…) and the pain in my shoulders migrated down my spine, into my hips, knees, ankles and finally toes.

Yikes!

So, you know i needed a solution that would let me live and get back to things.

Solution: new bed, new mattress, new pillows.

Yep, the seasons will always change, so there is nothing i can do about that, the pressure changes will stop for a while before the next change, but body positioning can always be corrected and supported.

i looked around, read some reviews and opted for an extra firm memory foam mattress and a wooden slat support system that is adjustable in terms of firmness. Extra firm pillows, one standard size and two king- sized – made for the side sleeper – quit imagining me asleep in bed, please! – and very soft sheets round out the sleep thing.

i now fall asleep quickly, rarely am woken up by pain, my body position is easily kept, but not so rigid that i can’t move a bit to readjust when needed. i once again bound out of bed, pain-free and ready to take on the day!

It feels so wonderful. My sense of humour is restored and people often ask me how i am so happy and energetic. A good night’s sleep. And plenty of water and green tea.

That’s it. The secret to my happiness.

Boring right?

But not easy.

So, yes, things are pretty great right now. i’m totally enjoying the bed and can only wonder why on earth i waited to replace – i spend so much time asleep that you’d think i would think that a bed is one of those essential things – comfy bed, excellent shoes and comfy underwear. Seriously, the things we should never skimp on.

i love Tuesdays so much.

 

Fitting square pegs in round holes

Look, I’ll tell you this – sometimes, often in fact, I have these moments of clarity where it occurs to me that I don’t fit in, neatly, like, I mean. I admit that I’m a bit odd, even for my tastes and about half the time I’m not even sure what I’m talking about.

Then -

I got into work yesterday and one of my colleagues greeted me over the interoffice chat application and then he said, here is a rhyme for you:

Roses are Red

Dead Flesh is Green

When the Dead start to Rise

I want You on my Team

He said that a friend of his sent it to him and it made him think of me.

Nice, right.

It made me feel like..someone here gets me. It made me feel like…I belong somewhere, here, in fact.

I don’t think I told you, but during my lunch hours I’m learning how to make origami cranes – I finished the paper my niece gave me for Xmas so I went out and bought some new stuff. They are pretty ok, I mean I’m not mangling them any more. My fingers are learning. Slowly, very slowly.

And you know, people come by to see what I’m up to and chat or come over to my desk where the cranes and sitting around, watching things and I figure “Hey, take a crane or two so you can them at your desk!” and people really like them.

So, later the same day, yesterday, another one of my colleagues (who has 4 cranes) suggested the CEO of our company that we take the cranes that I make and put them in a bowl by reception and when people visit us, they can take a crane home with them. Once he stopped laughing, the CEO loved it!

And I had another moment of “People here, they get it.”

And today, today another colleague came over to my desk and asked if I had met his doggie. I hadn’t, so he took me to where his doggie was hanging out. And guess what! It wasn’t a doggie at all! It was a puppy!!!!

A 10-month old, American Eskimo puppy, who was sooooo happy to see us.

I have to tell you, I really felt like, “People, they get me here.”

It just makes me feel so good. About everything.

To stay in bed or not to stay in bed

So, allow me to clarify.

Just ‘cuz I’m smiley and cute and laugh and giggle and say all kinds of positive things and try to lift people up when they are down and see the positive side to absolutely everything, doesn’t mean that I’m never grumpy or sad or worried or upset or feeling like I’m turning into some monster with fangs and claws.

This morning, getting out of bed was a real problem. So much so, that I re-set my alarm for half an hour later than usual and I used it well…by sleeping.

Body aching, head aching, brain aching, everything single joint feeling swollen and a general feeling of…this is totally not right-ness about everything. I managed to avoid walking in the door jamb and to avoid slipping in the shower (quit imagining me in the shower!) and to choke down some breakfast. And a painkiller.

Honestly though, that pain-killer didn’t do a whole lot, but it felt good to take the thing, you know.

I struggled with finding something acceptable to wear that wasn’t going to look awful or make me feel awful and managed ok, I guess.

I thought, deeply, about calling in sick and going back to bed, ‘cuz, face it, no good could come of a day like today – me growing fangs and claws and hating the world…yep, if you didn’t already guess, it was that kind of day.

I decided to go to work, I had a meeting this morning that, if missed, would only have to be re-scheduled and you know, after the meeting I’d go home and go back to bed.

But, after the meeting, I had to help set-up for “Health Snack Day”. When asked how I was, I explained, in-depth how grumpy I was feeling…the response I got was “bex! I can’t imagine you grumpy!”

Which, I don’t know, made me feel like saying “But, I’m grumpy now, can’t you tell?” or “Listen, your lack of imagination doesn’t mean something isn’t true.”

Perhaps the smile throws people off?

Then I had an awesome exchange with a colleague of mine to book some flights for my manager. And then I found out that this colleague will be visiting my office wants to meet me! Wow, now I’m totally happy I got out of bed.

Then I got a phone call from a dear friend and we chatted and made plans. This days is getting better and better…

I forgot my lunch, ok, I didn’t have anything ready for lunch, but it ended up that there were bagels left over from the snack thingy and I got one and had it, along with too much butter on it, for lunch. And I practiced making origami cranes as well.

Then I ran into another colleague and we chatted with a third colleague and you know what? Between the three of us, we could happily share a mixed box of chocolates…one of us could eat all the white chocolates, the other the milk chocolate and me, i’d get to eat all the dark chocolates…this is what i refer to as “the dream team”.

I got a pile of work done and then!

Another dear friend of mine called and we made plans for a drink after work and you know what?

I’m really happy I got out of bed today. It was a rough start, but by the time I got home I can say that this was a truly excellent day.

I think sometimes we just need to give things a chance,even if we don’t want, even if we have to struggle to get there. Sometimes the getting there makes all the struggles worth it.

Socially awkward moments and more about cupcakes

In the midst of all the ‘Happy Valentine’s Day” greetings flying around, I decided to break from the pack and wish people ‘Happy early Lupercalia!” which lead to most of my day being spent explaining what the heck Lupercalia is and why I would wish people to have a “Happy” one anyway.

In most cases I kept it simple – the day the werewolf (or wolves, depending on the population you are dealing with) chooses a mate for one year.

For some, this whole “one year” thing seemed like a pretty good idea, sane, especially that part where, if after a year isn’t working, you find a new mate and do it all over again.

In one case, I made the unfortunate error of commenting on Lupercalia involving whips and werewolves, was the feast day appropriated by Christians and…look the conversation pretty much devolved from there.

What I learned today: when trying to have a conversation with a guy, don’t mention the word “whips”, otherwise he may make all sorts of unfounded assumptions about things that are certainly not work appropriate.

I had to stop the conversation and clarify which one of us was being socially awkward, ‘cuz seriously that was a good conversation gone horribly, horribly wrong.

As I was doing my final walk to get water this afternoon, I ended up walking behind one of my colleagues. We greeted each other and it just so happened that we were walking on exactly the same route – I felt that he would think I was following him! I wasn’t, I was just going the same route. Suddenly, his footsteps stopped. He slipped into the elevator alcove to surprise me. I surprised him first and explained myself, just in case he thought I was being all stalker-ish.

3 x 24 cupcakes tonight. I’m a bit disappointed in the Mayan chocolate ones – the texture is off and you can’t really taste the subtle flavours. I think I have to try again, only this time I will make all the components rather than using a mix.

I ended up using one of the champagnes I got yesterday – the Muscato, a spumanti. And you know what – it is pretty lovely. But it was complete garbage to make – seriously, it took me forever and the measurements were way off for the kind of sugar I like to use.

Look, here is the big reveal. I don’t use white sugar, the kind from beets. I use cane sugar. This means a couple of things – what I bake doesn’t have such a large impact on insulin levels, the sugar doesn’t tastes as “sweet” and it doesn’t “melt” the same way the white sugar does. This last point means that I often have to use more “wet” in order to make the ingredients mix properly and get the right texture. This was a killer for this recipe – I used maybe about 3 times the amount of champagne that the recipe called for! Crazy.

I was pretty good, too, about posting pics to FB and keeping people informed about the progress. Pretty good pics too. But have to say it seems like that all I ever post about is when it is about cupcakes. I’m a-ok with that.

Re-connected on FB with a friend from high school tonight.

You know what is really nice? When a friend from high school, who knew you when you were cute and sexy and had excellent hair, calls you sexy and “babe” years and years later. It really shouldn’t have, but it made me feel great, he even said how “sexy and unusual” it was that I mostly go by “bex” now.

It is like, hey world, look at me! bex – I’m all sexy and unusual!

The upside for today is living through the socially awkward moment, once we established that I was being socially awkward, we just re-started the conversation and moved past it, which I think is the right thing to do. Of course, we did have more socially awkward moments, but I just ignored them and plowed on ahead. Which is sometimes the right things to do. Too.

Hot yoga vs. cupcakes

Sometimes hot yoga wins, sometimes cupcakes win.

This morning, I was all about hot yoga, but by the time work was over, it was all about cupcakes.

I’ve picked up a very dear friend for the past week, getting her in the am and dropping her off in the pm and it has been very enjoyable, tonight I dropped her off in the pm and suddenly, I was compelled to go to the store to get some sparkling wine…so off I went!

Dinner of sparkling wine and turkey meatball subway, ignored the whole “make lunch for the next day” thing and concentrated on making some cupcake batter. Tonight it was all about the Mayan hot chocolate batter and lemon lavender batter…so I only need to put those in the oven on Tuesday night and make up the batter for the champagne cupcakes…I have to admit that I totally messed the champagne up – I was supposed to get sweet champagne and instead I got dry!

I don’t know what I was thinking!

Perhaps I wasn’t at all.

So, I’m currently reading the graphic novel series “The Walking Dead” and I should probably do a proper review of it, but I’m not going to, ok?

I have to tell you that I’m loving it – it brings forward these whole issues of how we react at the end of the world, how we act when there are no laws and no societal mores to govern us…who are we out of context.

And I’m also greatly enjoying the conversation I’m having with the guy who is loaning me the graphic novels – he is not only generous with his things, but also with his willingness to talk about these things that my mind provokes.

Of course, I missed the return of the TV series, but was told, by various and sundry, is that is very good, so excited about that.

In light of my champagne error I made the best of it and started to drink. I’ve made very good progress too – I even drunk-dialed a dear friend of mine that I haven’t seen in ages and now we have plans for Friday. You can think what you want, but sometimes liquidity works.

Things are good right now, keeping busy, staying out of trouble, mostly. And making new friends. And holding onto older ones.

Yes, a pretty fabulous Monday.

And I’m a bit worried that this post makes no sense ‘cuz I’m all drunk…

Quests, questions and answers

After 5 climbs this morning – 2 x 5.9 + 1 x 5.8 + 2 x 5.10- – it was lunch and then a random quest.

This week, I’m making cupcakes.

Only.

Well, they are all in honour of Lupercalia, so I’m “theme-ing” them. All designed to keep werewolves away, you know what I mean.

The first flavour is lemon-lavender. Which, is one of my very fav flavour combos. Only, to do it safely, you have use culinary lavender, which is cultivated without pesticides. Weeds aren’t the only things that pesticides kill or make sick.

Only trouble is, culinary lavender is hard to find, if you don’t live near a lavender farm.

I don’t live near a lavender farm.

So…

The next flavour is a Mayan chocolate – this one is a tribute to Soma’s Mayan hot chocolate mix. I love chocolate, but pair chocolate with spice – orange peel, ginger, cinnamon, chipotle peppers…well, it takes it to a whole new level. Depth and height and a complexity of taste

The final flavour is champagne with rose icing. But, earlier today, I was trying to figure out what the rose-flavour would be…I was thinking rose water…which is too sweet, but will probably be ok.

Ok, so first stop is Soma, the King Street West Location. The location is beautiful, calm and serene. The goodies are all neatly organized in pretty packages and looks like there are some new sizes. I pick up the large size of the Mayan Hot Chocolate mix and a pack of the ‘lady’s kisses’ cookies, ‘cuz…yum. Ok?

After I pay, I linger and chat and ogle the truffles.

Mental note to self: return soon and get some of those balsamic vinegar truffles…

Cross the street and take a look-see for culinary lavender in this shop that from the outside, seems to be all about fresh and herbs.

Nope, not here.

Onto transit, get off at the last stop and, instead of getting another streetcar, I walk.

This is stupid mistake. It is cold outside and this walk is a lot longer in the cold.

I make it to a super grocery store and figure on a look-see and, nope. Not here either.

Back out into the cold and -

Suddenly, there I am.

The boy behind the counter greets me with a cheery “that is a big hood!”

My coat really has a big hood. It is very warm.

I agree and explain my quest to the boy.

He helps me out. After many loud expressions about how he didn’t know lavender could be eaten.

I describe the cupcake flavour – lemon-lavender – and then talk about garlic-lemon-lavender roast chicken. He remarks that his mum loves lavender, so I tell him he should try cooking something for her.

Then I tell him about the Mayan Chocolate flavour and show him the package.

Just before we ring it up – it hits me.

I’m in this totally cool store and they have all sots of things, so why not get rosewater while I’m here.

We run around the store looking for it.

No luck.

No rosewater.

But -

The boy finds dried roses.

me: can we eat these?

the boy: people use them to make tea.

me: that means we can eat them.

I explain the remaining flavour and somehow, we end up trading movie recommendations.

Suddenly -

the boy: why are you cool?

me: why?

the boy: I mean, how are you so cool?

This is a question I cannot answer. I just am.

And with this weather, I’m not cool, I’m cold.

Make it to the train station, on the train and off to the grocery store to get the raw materials for making the “cake’ parts of the cupcakes. And without a list, I’m forgetful and neglect a few things.

At home, I clean, prep for making a mess, you know.

Do the floors, do the dishes and then make up some icing.

I’ve never worked much with dried flowers before, but I figure, why not give them a bit of liquid first, then make the icing, that way the flavour with have a change to disperse a bit and be more even.

Both work and are now stored in the fridge.

Dinner is late and a strange affair. But, yum.

Then excellent phone call with a dear friend who I’ve been woefully out of touch with recently.

Great conversation.

Some kind of excellent Saturday.

Quiche and carrot sticks

Spent much of the day struggling with IT issues.

I think if I were a different person it would have been very, very frustration. But, being the person I am, it was actually kind of interesting. I emailed in my problem, got a suggestion and tried it and then a ton of ideas I could think of…nothing worked.

So, I decided to try from home.

It worked!

This means that the problem is about what I guessed it is.

And you know, I should probably be irritated that I keep giving solutions and then being questioned about my suggested course of action. But, I’m not – I find the different perspective interesting, gives me something to think about.

No matter how you slice it, it was a great day.

Even though the IT issues were ongoing, I managed to get some stuff done and I continue to make progress on the projects.

Then, I got a call from my manager, who needed me to “run something” over to her at a meeting – so I played “Kiki’s Delivery Service” and got a chance to crash an important meeting. And brag about my awesome lunch (5spice chicken with peanut sauce – woo!).

Had a funny moment during lunch – right into reading my book, you know, to the exclusion of everything else, and one of my colleague snuck-up on me and scared me. Yikes!

We had a good conversation about zombies and what is going with “The Walking Dead”. Fun fact – apparently one our departments has discussion groups about zombies and “The Walking Dead”. Like, in-depth discussions.

And it isn’t my department.

I’m not even invited to these “All About Zombie” sessions.

Then we talked about my pen for a while.

I’m always ready to talk about my pen – it is pretty much the best pen in the universe.

I was feeling hyped up about the IT issues and wanting to try out a few things at home, so forewent the gym and came straight home. The beautiful thing about this was that it was still light out when I got home – which meant today is was light when I left and light when I got home! Lovely.

This also meant that I had time to put that quiche in the oven and chop up some tomato to be a different veggie from the carrot sticks from lunch. Fun fact – when my friend surprised me that carrot stick I was eating almost killed me!

I’m fine,I’m fine.

Dinner was excellent, even without champagne.

Then, it was time to work. Again.

And whoa, what work I got done. Things are truly shaping up.

Want to know what I’m working on? A website!

Cool, yeah? Me doing a website. So far it has 12 pages and has random headers – not a lot of content now, but the build is coming along nicely.

Another great day – conversations, learning things, getting things done and reading an awesome book. Makes me think that Thursday is going to be a-ok.

Champagne and cheese sticks

Look, I realize it is “sparkling wine”, but, seriously, what kind of title is “Sparkling wine and cheese sticks”? I’m sticking with the title as it stands. Ok? Ok.

Ok!

So, Tuesday = celebration.

The morning was a super-productive meeting in which I found out that this idea I had way, way back when I started and have been working towards for the past few months is going to work!

Have to tell you that I was a bit worries – it uses a function that no one has used yet and even the person in charge of it wasn’t sure if it would work.

It works.

And we got exactly the amount of work done that we needed to do – the project is totally on track, we will meet our deadline and it will work.

I’m so happy.

Then.

I had another meeting.

For most of the meeting we talked about cupcakes and other baked goods, for we were totally super-productive during the final 5 minutes. And sometimes, you know, it is only the final 5 that counts…

I got back to hot yoga on Monday evening and it was great.

I mean, I still kind of hate it, but it was great. Challenging, hard, impossible, too hot. And there were moments that I really felt like walking out of the class and that hot, hot room.

But.

Well, the instructor said it was good to see me.

And it was good to be back.

me: It is good to be back.

him: it is good to see you.were you away on vacation?

me: nope. i’ve been making cupcakes!

him: (laughing) are you one of those cupcake girls?

me: nope. but, i’m becoming one…

him: (laughs)

And, yes, I did an hour on the treadmill tonight, went grocery shopping and made my lunch for the next two days…5-spice chicken with Szechuan peanut sauce and carrot sticks on the side.

Yep, some Tuesdays you can’t lose…