So, I start every morning with a talk with my friend up in The Eagle’s Nest.

And talking with her is good – she seems to be getting things together, you know. And one of the things that I love about talking with her is that she is always calls me “young” and says she is invigorated by my “youth and energy”. That always makes me smile and laugh a bit ‘cuz, honestly, I don’t think of myself as “young”. Immature? Yes. Young? Nope.

The other things I love about talking with her is that she is getting her stuff together. She teaches me everyone morning that getting your life together is a constant process, something you never stop working on and trying to get together.

And she wears the most interesting colours. Today was all different animal prints. Leopard spots, tiger stripes.

And different people told me how good I looked today – my dress, how sexy I am and one person even used “hot”.

One time, coming back after getting another glass of water, someone left a curiously minty life saver on my chair.

And then, that same person called me up to make sure I found it!

I made him an orgami crane as a thank you – he was thrilled. The paper was blue with daisies. Very nice.

Later, my boss gave me some rockets.

Today, Thursday was made bearable by little things, tiny surprises, fleeting moments of kindness and positiveness.

A good kind of Thursday.

Meeting today and items to follow-up on meant that lunch was very, very late.

Which, every now and then, on Tuesdays, is ok.

I lost one of my chopsticks!

One minute it was there, waiting to be used as my dumplings heated up, the next -

Good-bye chopstick!

For a bit there both of them were missing, then I found one inside the fridge – it fell out of my lunch bag!

Where the other is remains a mystery.

I suspect that it has gone wandering, in search of adventure.

But, if you see it around, please do me a favour and send it home – it is missed by all of us here.

Rest of the days skipped and bubbled along – late lunch made for a very, very short afternoon.

Got back to the gym tonight 1h on the treadmill.

Ok, I know I should have done weights, but c’mon I’m working back up to making it to the gym on a regular basis, ok?

And of course, I didn’t have my normal earphones, so I used the old ones, but the sound isn’t very good, so I had to turn up the sound up higher than I like. I’m trying to be kind to my ears and not like blow them out or anything, so when wearing earphones, I tend to listen on a low volume. I read somewhere that is what you do to avoid damage. I don’t know if it true.

Anyway.

It was good to get there and after I treated myself to a steam (quite imaging me wearing a towel, I thought we already discussed this?) and getting dressed again (quite imaging me without my clothes on!) I noticed something.

The horror, the horror.

A hole in my sock!

Tragedy.

Misery.

Woe.

Like. Whoa.

The is the second pair of socks this winter that have holes in them.

I know what this means.

It is time to go sock shopping!

I’m one of the lucky ones, really.

Some people have a grocery budget. Some people have an entertainment budget. Other people have a car budget.

I’m one of the lucky few that have a sock budget.

And a boot budget. That is a story for another day.

Yeah, you heard me. Ummm, read me. A sock budget.

Hey, when you live in a country that has crazy cold winters, you learn to keep warm and a big part of staying warm is having the right socks. And that means being sock-wise, which requires some investment and planning.

I’m just saying.

So, yes, soon enough I will be braving the shopping centre to seek out new socks. To boldly go where most people have gone before. For socks.

I hope it is worth it.

I wonder if there are sock sales on right now…

Imagine you here with me, sitting, sipping a new kind of cocktail, created in honour of the Year of Dragon: lychee syrup, coconut juice and amber rum over ice. Tastes a bit beachy for this time of year, depending on where you are, I mean, but this evening is warm and positively balmy in TO, bring on the beach, you know?

Air = filled with freshly baked cupcakes, comforting vanilla in the air, hint of butter-cream icing and lychee, warm almond scent underneath. Base note of the 5-spice carrot cupcakes from yesterday still lingers.

And 80s music is on and we are kicking back in the living room.

Today I learned a new word: ataraxia.

Which, honestly, looks like it has too many “a”s but, do I have to tell you how much I like that “x” there?

I like it a lot.

Slept in this morning, the alarm didn’t go off. I didn’t set the alarm! Not sure how I forgot, but there you have it, I did and there I was all sleeping in for half an hour!

No worries though, ok? I have 45min of “extra” time available to me every morning, so even with sleeping in for 30min, I still had 15min of “free time”. And yes, I got to work in plenty of time, still early. There you have it, some people are just wired like that.

Good day at work, seems like everyone was in a good mood all the way around and two of my colleagues ended up in the office as well – which is veryvery unusual, normally I’m the only one on my team, so it was…nice.

Forgot lunch, no worries though, a catering company comes in and we can buy our lunch. I bought my lunch today – tuna salad sandwich and potato leek soup. Which was pretty good, considering that I was going to go out and treat myself.

What really made lunch enjoyable though, this book that I’m currently devouring. Today, this book taught me a new word, but I think I told you? Ataraxia.

After lunch, for the rest of the day, I kept thinking about this word and saying it to myself.

Ataraxia.

My brain turned it over and over, tasting it. I mean, if a brain could be said to “taste” a word…you know what I mean here, don’t you? Well, ok then!

After work, it was time for hot yoga.

Yes! I’m totally ready and able to go and…

Somehow I end up at the grocery store and I’m getting stuff to make more cupcakes!

So, when I get home, I do.

Another recipe for lychee almond cupcakes and the smell…well, I know I mentioned that…

Then you know what?

I felt so good about…well, just about everything.

I called up my bro and offered to bring him some cupcakes.

me: hey! are you guys still up?

my bro: yeah. hey i just saw your picture of the cupcakes, they look good.

me: they are. hey, if you are still up, can i bring some over?

my bro: yeah ok.

my bro: wait, what?

me: i want to come over and bring you some cupcakes.

my bro: that is what i thought you said. but for a moment i thought maybe i was having a stroke. ‘cuz i saw your pic and i thought “i would really like some of those cupcakes”, so when you just said that, i thought maybe i was having a stroke.

me: is it a symptom of having a stroke to think about cupcakes?

my bro: probably not. is this real? you are really bringing cupcakes over to us?

me: what? do you think i would phone you up and offer to bring you cupcakes as a cruel prank? i would never use cupcakes for that sort of evil.

my bro: sure. well, sure if you want to bring us cupcakes, that yeah, come over. i’m going to be really disappointed if i’m having a stroke and you don’t bring cupcakes over.

So, this is actually how conversations in my family go sometimes. I hope that explains some things that you were maybe wondering about me.

Anyway, I did and it was great to see them, my niece was asleep when I got there, but it is all for the best, really, she may have freaked out on the cupcakes if she saw them.

Then it was back home and you know that moment when you open the door and you are hit with the smell of home? And it may smell like wet dog, or air freshener or pasta or curry – tonight I opened the door and yeah…freshly baked cupcakes.

When I lived in Alberta I used to bake bread. A lot. Like a few loaves every week-end for a while there. And sure, this meant that we always had bread around and usually some pretty interesting kinds too, ‘cuz that is the way I roll. But the thing that I liked best. The best thing in the world for me was coming home, opening up the door and the smell of freshly baked bread would pour out the door.

Heaven.

So, I guess you are wondering: What does “ataraxia” mean?

On the week-end I read that column “Free-Will Astrology” -

Yes, I should give you a link, but keep in mind, drinking rum with coconut water and lychee juice here! You may not want me to go linking all over the place, you know what I’m saying?

Anyway, my horrorscope, sorry, horoscope, suggested that I entertain some more of my ideas this week, not share them, not act on them, just…entertain them and let myself be entertained.

Secret time: I already do! I play and entertain and allow my ideas to amuse the heck out of me.

Why?

‘cuz it is fun.

On the way over to see my bro and deliver those cupcakes, here is what I thought: that I would start a cupcake delivery service. That I could get bike couriers in TO to deliver them, they are already doing the routes and going places anyway, why not take people cupcakes? I also thought that I could set up by Bixi bike kiosks. Again, not linking here, too relaxed…I also thought that I should start a choir, we could sing madrical music (note to WordPress: “madrical” is a word…gesh, I seriously need to join their dictionary team…oops, actually I’m spelling it wrong, sorry WordPress – no hard feelings, right?) ‘cuz I like all kinds of music and yeah, I love all kinds of music, to listen too and even to play and sing, but my fav, my all-time most pleasurable music to sing is madrigals (spelled correctly this time!).

And yeah, I haven’t sung in years, so I need to learn how again.

But, I can do that.

So those are the ideas that are currently entertaining and amusing me.

Ataraxia – tranquility of the soul.

If that isn’t nice, I don’t know what is…

My heart started growing again today.

It is time for me to say good-bye to Year of the Rabbit.

This year presented me with some devastating losses and brilliant gains.

I lost someone I considered my best friend, twice, and my grandmother. I let go of a job that I loved, with colleagues who became some of my dearest and yes, best friends. I zeroed my savings and  went into debt. I had horrible hair days. Another best friend moved halfway across the country.

I fulfilled some of my lifelong dreams. I walked on the Great Wall of China, I knelt in front of Buddha, in many temples. I fulfilled a promise. I met so many new people, many of whom are now some of my best friends. I learned how to use my camera! I made peace with my ex. I had incredible hair days. My best friend who moved got into a relationship and I got a new job with people I love. I started baking again!

I read some incredible books. Heard excellent music. Saw some great movies.

I cried. I laughed. And throughout it, I tried to write it all for you.

Year of the Rabbit was a year of my life. Losses and gains. Tears and laughter. Always a mix, right? A balance. Some of each for the human heart to grow.

My conversations shift and change, people come and go.

Good-bye Year of the Rabbit.

Thank you.

I think this is the best movie of 2012. And when I say “2012″, I mean, this year, it was released in 2011 in Belgium, so there you go.

In this era of film, where nothing new is happening, where films are only made if they can franchise, where films rely more on gimmicks and technology instead of storytelling, this film surprises, delights, amazes and moves the human heart.

Filmed in black and white and almost totally MOS (“With Out Sound” – “Mit Out Sound” as they used to say in German in those days in Hollywood. Apparently) the soundtrack and music and silence is as much a character in the film as the actors.

The Artist tracks the rise of “talkies”and how it affects and effects two very different actors – one a silent screen star and the other a rising actor who find stardom with the advent of this new technology.

In turns, the film is comic, tragic and wildly romantic. It also had made moments where it reminded me of “Singing in the Rain”, which is a-ok with me as that is one of my favourite films of all time.

It is almost halfway into the film before we hear a human voice of any kind and then, it is a part of the soundtrack, not the actors – the lack of the human voice forces the actors and audience to pay close attention to the body language and facial expressions of the actors. When we do hear a human voice, it is like lighting a candle in the dark, how we miss the human voice!

This movie is great storytelling. We are drawn in and respond to it.

I think this movie rather makes a point about use of technology and the effects of some of the artists who are in the modality where a great technological shift takes place. Movies are one of my favourite art forms and yes, that includes silent movies and black and whites – they are so different than the movies of today, bigger, bolder and more subtle at the same time, I miss a film taking time to slow down and get beautiful shots and meaningful imagery.

This film lacks flashy CGI, incredible special effects and colour. But, you know, you won’t miss those things are at all. You will be happy with the clever shots, the beautiful symbolism and the unabashed romanticism and optimism. If you see only one movie in the theatre this year, make this the one. And I know, I know, Batman and Avengers are both coming up in the summer, but seriously treat yourself to something beautiful and classy, a real time out at the movies.

I think this is a movie is a “Must See!”

Enjoy!

Strangely, I couldn’t remember any of it.

I yawned, stretched, turned my pillow over to he cool side and went back to sleep.

The alarm went off at 6am and all the answers came back  – this is my bed, I’m in TO, I have a job that I love and there is no one else in another room or in my bed.

Funny how these things fell away and then came back when I needed them.

And! The cupcakes were a hit. So, an all round great kind of day. I even got back the gym!

In the depths of winter, when I lived in Alberta, sometimes a Chinook would blow in and, overnight, the weather would do a drastic turn-around – in Calgary minus -20 to +20 is not unheard of! Where I lived, the change was not quite so dramatic, but pretty good, we would get up to around +10 or even +15.

You could always tell when a Chinook was coming too – over the mountains the clouds would make this funny shape, known as a “Chinook Arch”, which was the pressure exerting itself on the clouds. It was very interesting.

It was also an odd bit of hell for those who get pressure headaches.

What I learned about myself – I get pressure headaches.

I can’t really explain them, I know they are induced by air pressure. I know that those migraine meds that I carry around with me don’t really work. My eyes don’t focus properly and even though it hurts, I feel silly just crawling into bed.

When I moved away from Alberta, from the Chinooks, these headaches became less frequent, in Ontario we don’t get these kinds of pressure systems, with the temperature doing such ridiculous jumps and leaps.

Until yesterday.

The pressure changed as I was walking over to see a colleague I often chat with – I paled and the pain settled right between my eyes. I opened my mouth to speak, but my colleague got there before me: You have a headache don’t you.

me: Yes, it just started right now. Not because of you, but I think there was a change in air pressure.

my colleague: Yep, everything is going to melt, you look awful.

me: I feel kind of awful, so that makes sense.

I carefully wandered away to find some cold water to drink, which, although it doesn’t really help, tastes pretty good in any case.

So, suffice to say, feeling like that, I decided not to go to my hot yoga class.

I know, I know, boo on me.

But, I didn’t really want to do anything else either – not ready for bed, not willing to waste time watching TV shows that I rarely see anyway and not well enough to carry on any kind of coherent conversation.

So I baked cupcakes!

48 of them.

24 Chocolate Blood Orange.

24 Chocolate Coconut.

Then I took them into work today, divided them in half and told people to “Please eat them! I have a headache and can’t stand chocolate right now!”

They did a pretty job too.

I still have the headache.

I didn’t go do my weight machines tonight.

So, I baked cupcakes!

48 cupcakes.

24 Chocolate and Blood Orange (they were on sale, I didn’t have a chance).

24 Ginger.

I’m taking them into work in the morning and telling people “Our colleague is leaving, have some cupcakes!”

Look, the way I figure – if you are going to blow off the gym, for whatever reason, you may as well do something productive that maybe even brings some people some happiness and joy – I can tell you that half of today’s cupcakes made the day of some of my colleagues, they were really happy for the treat.

I also figure that if I can bake cupcakes when I have a headache like this, I’m doing pretty good.

This is what I call “taking a bad headache and making it better”.

As much as I hate Freud, I do love Jung and, being a student of psychology, I needed to see this film. Also, being a fan of Cronenberg’s non-horror films, yes, I needed to see this film.

Cronenberg is fine form with this one – a review I heard of this film noted how beautifully done it was, but yet, how chilly it was at its core. In all honesty, this is one of the things that I rather liked about it, the main topic of psychoanalysis is sex, a fixation not only for the patients, but also for the therapists, I mean Freud. Yet, in reading Freud, you do get the sense that there is some removal, some distance between sex itself. As the same reviewer noted that this topic was a matter of great excitement – intellectual, physical and yes, sexual – there is actually quite a bit of…well, sublimation going on in psychoanalysis.

One of the things that I love about Cronenberg is that the sex scenes are lovely and realistic and sometimes a bit awkward and ridiculous. The spanking scenes in particular in this are a bit sexy and a bit absurd at once.

There is also, for the student of psychology, history of psychology, there are quite a few knowing chuckles – we know the history, that these two men will have a horrid falling out and all we can is watch and are completely helpless.

The roles were loving crafted and everyone, no matter how small the screen time, stepped up and delivered, two actors in particular I would have loved to see more of – Vincent Cassel who played Otto Gross and Sarah Gadon as Emma Jung, they were riveting in the short scene time.

When I see a Cronenberg film, I am sometimes worried that I’m chuckling at the wrong thing – this movie, it was Freud, played by Viggo Mortenson, sucking non-stop on his cigar – oral fixation indeed.

This is also the kind of movie I like best by Cronenberg – although he had a way with shock and gross-out, fantastical stories, I like his stories about human relationships best, real humans, messing up in human ways.

I should also note that seeing this movie at my usual movie was a bit of an ordeal – the movie started 15min late and then the picture alignment was off for the first 20min. Hardly an ideal circumstance to see a Cronenberg film or any film for that matter. I also need to note that the management handed everyone a free movie pass for the theatre. But, truly, I would have thought 2 would be appropriate – once to see the movie again and once to see another movie. Oh, well, at least they tried, right?

I’m totally immersed in re-reading “What the Buddha Taught”.

I’m too easily distracted – by shiny things, by making up excuses about why not to climb, or go the gym or write?

I started baking again and looking for recipes and planning what to bake less takes a lot of time.

I gave my number to that cute guy in my hot yoga class and I don’t want to get into writing something in case I don’t hear t, he phone. And voice mail sucks.

So, yeah, take any one of these and that is reason why I haven’t been adding new posts.

Things are good – great holiday season, things are humming along at work, *finally* got my hair cut, looking and feeling good.

Just this whole thing about not writing lately, so looking to turn that around…

Which is kind of.

Sucky.

On the upside: I had time for a meal, including dessert which was a deep-fried MARS bar (in contrast to a deep-fried planet Mars, keep up!) and a couple of glasses of icy water – yum yum.

Breezed through the security check – on a side-note, people are especially smiley at me today, not sure exactly what is going on, perhaps they know something I don’t?, perhaps I have a sign on my forehead “Smile if you like teddy bears!”, who knows.

It is nice, though.

I mean, I like traveling, I like going places and hanging with a dear friend, meeting new friends even, seeing things, doing things, doing nothing, it is all good with me, you know?

And I don’t mind the whole “I have to go to the airport, check-in, deal with my bags, check my bag(s), get a snack, check for snakes, find my gate, go through security, wait for a “beep”, re-pack my trusty netbook, re-organized my stuff, find my exact gate, find the bathroom, find a comfy chair, etc”- ness of travel. Actually I am a-ok with it.

Even these people who keep walking by and giving me the evil-eye that I have a super comfy chair, it is like a couch! Lucky me. Lucky, lucky me.

I wonder if they know I had dessert?

Look, the point is, that I like that stuff. It all means that I’m going somewhere or, on the reverse, going home. And I like both ways.

The point is, really, that there are far worse kinds of waiting rooms than waiting for a plane, even if it is delayed. There are worse reasons to be waiting somewhere and far more uncomfortable chairs to be waiting in. And far worse food.

So, no, I don’t mind, I don’t worry.

I’m warm and safe and driving back to the airport, I didn’t get lost. And the sun came out and it stopped snowing.

I missed the last gas station to re-fuel the car, but it was only a quarter of a tank, so I’m not going to stress about it, you get me?

I found some totally groovy driving music too, a mix of tunes that I could crank it up and then crank it down – gravity, you know, sometime, that which goes up has to come down…

I started on the book my ex gave me last night too, so far, it is lovely and I’m very excited about continuing on and on. A good journey.

It was good to meet my best friend’s boyfriend. I laugh when I use that word. “Boyfriend”. Haha. As if he is a boy and she is a girl. I mean, she is female, just, you know, a woman. Wo-man. Whoa-man. See what I did there?

And as if he is boy!

And as if they are “friends”.

Perhaps I will use the term “petit ami”?

Which is even funnier, ‘cuz he isn’t small!

Anyway, fact is, this guy is very…nice.

I mean. He is good for her and to her. It is good to see her happy in a relationship again. Very good.

Hopeful and optimistic, I mean.

Yeah, I’m biased. I love when people I love find love. I think, I suspect, that there is something about the threads of society to be found in the relationship between two people, just another theory I’m working on…

He is, however, not exactly her type, interest-wise, I mean.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I’m just saying. It was odd to see my friend, one of my fav people to geek-out with, in a relationship with someone who does not geek-out.

Yes, you read that correctly. This guy, her “boyfriend”, the “petit ami” of my amie, does not geek-out.

When I asked him to provide, in detail, a description of the plans he was making in the event of zombie attack, he looked at me blankly, then looked at her and said “What is it with you guys and zombies?”

When I asked him “DC or Marvel?” He looked at me blankly and said “I have no idea what you are on about.”

On the upside, when I asked him “Star Wars or Star Trek?”, he did answer “Star Wars”, so that is good, at least.

I’m not sure what I would have done if he didn’t understand that question…

But, he is still a good guy.

Which is nice.

And you know how much I like nice.